Review of “You’ve Gotta Be Kidding!” by Clem Carney

Review of

“You’ve Gotta Be Kidding!” by Clem Carney

Five out of five stars

 This book is a collection of textual bloopers that took place in athletic competitions centered roughly around Cedar Rapids, Iowa. The competitions were almost exclusively at the level of middle and high school, although there are some Little League and other odd games such as T-ball thrown in.

 Coaches, officials and players are all included in the descriptions of the unusual errors made. Men split their pants in public, boys pull their shorts down when removing sweat pants, men get walked in on by women as they are changing, have women walk in and change in front of them and unusual calls are made and sometimes rescinded.

 Since in most cases the officials and coaches know each other quite well and generally do not want to engage in anything that could lead to hard feelings, there are times when things are not as they appear to be. One of the funniest stories takes place at a baseball game where there is a close play at the plate, and the runner is called safe. When the fans let out a howl of protest the manager came out and said, “Scotty, I know the runner was safe, but my fans feel you must be told off.” After much arm-waving and other gestures but no sound, the manager went back to the bench and play resumed and his fans were satisfied.

 When humans are running and moving hard, actions take place in a split second and decisions must be made. Wardrobe malfunctions are a fundamental part of such events, making for humorous situations that are embarrassing at the time, yet funny after the fact. I was reminded of the old baseball umpire adage, “Always wear dark underwear in case you split your pants.”

Review of "Extra Innings: Baseball Poems," selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins

Review of

Extra Innings: Baseball Poems, selected by Lee Bennett Hopkins ISBN 0152268332

Four out of five stars

 Apart from the greatest baseball poem ever, “Casey at the Bat,” the poems in this collection are simply average. In baseball jargon, “two-fifty hitters.” They cover both genders engaged in the great American game.

 Other than the one about the mighty Casey, the two best poems in this collection are about players and events that are part of baseball history. The first of the two is called “To Satch” and is a short tribute to the great Satchel Paige, arguably the best pitcher to ever play the game. Barred from the major leagues due to the color line, Satchel didn’t make the majors until he may have been near fifty years old. Yet, he could still get the batters out. Countless white players said that he was the toughest that they ever faced.

 The second of the two is about a simple event of comradeship. The title is “from Teammates” and is about a supposed incident when Jackie Robinson made an error at second and was being horrendously booed by the crowd. Shortstop Pee Wee Reese walked over and put his arm around Jackie’s shoulder and faced the crowd, causing them to quiet down. While the actual event never happened, this poem is simple, yet contains a powerful message.

 Like all other areas of human endeavor, poetry can mesh well with baseball and this book is an existence proof of that fact.

Review of "Strike Zone," by Jim Bouton and Eliot Asinof

Review of

Strike Zone, by Jim Bouton and Eliot Asinof, ISBN 0670852147

Five out of five stars

 This book starts slow, but that is necessary in order to set the significant context for what is the last game of the season in the National League. The game is between the Chicago Cubs and Philadelphia Phillies and the winner of the game will win the division. There are two main characters, the umpire behind the plate and the man pitching for the Cubs.

 Sam Ward is a journeyman pitcher, a thirty-two-year-old rookie that has had six brief appearances in the majors, with the rest of his action in the minor leagues. The Cubs pitching staff is completely worn out, they have no other starters available. Sam once had a much stronger arm, now his fastest pitch moseys at 80 mph and he relies almost exclusively on knuckleballs. Therefore, the Cubs manager has no choice but to put their fate in the hands of Sam.

 Like so many players before him, Sam has kept his dream of playing in the majors alive longer than he should have. His marriage is in serious trouble and he knows that this is his last chance for any real success as a baseball player.

 The umpire is Ernie Kolacka, he also once had dreams of being a major league ballplayer until he was seriously wounded in Korea. Ernie has also been a journeyman umpire, he finally made the majors in his latter years and is being forcibly retired after this last game.

 The man that saved Ernie’s life in Korea comes to him and tells him that he is in serious debt to gamblers. They will kill him if he does not pay them off. His only hope is for Ernie to make enough borderline calls so that the Phillies win. To sweeten the deal for Ernie, the gamblers drop off $100,000 in cash before the game with the promise of an additional $100,000 if the Phillies win. If the Cubs win, then Ernie gets nothing.

 In many ways Ernie is also a bitter man, he spent years umpiring in the bush leagues, being abused and threatened for little pay before he finally got the call. He really does not like the other members of his umpiring crew. Even though it strains his digestive system, Ernie takes the money and like Sam, prepares for the signature game of his career.

 Most of the book is a description of the big game, alternating from the perspective of Sam and Ernie. There is a lot of insight, Ernie makes some questionable calls in favor of the Phillies, causing even some of the Phillies players to give him odd looks. A superb student of the game, Ernie uses the rule interpretation that is most ambiguous to give the Phillies the edge.

 The story moves to a conclusion, one that is far happier for all than it would seem possible when the game starts. Both key players end up in a good place and the writing is quite good. Given that Bouton spent the last years of his career with an arm dead for a fastball and trying to survive throwing knuckleballs, some aspects of the story may be autobiographical.